Sunday, April 29, 2012

Dying in the moment

Have you ever had a period in your life when God was working on driving a particular point home? Of course, we should always be growing, maturing, but I'm talking about one of those times when you have the perfect storm, as it were, that opens your eyes to an issue you didn't really see as an issue. I've just had one of those. One of those moments in the rock tumbler, as Rachael Jankovic would call it. My ladies book study group is reading Elizabeth Elliot's Because He Loves Me. It's pushed me a little, but most of it I sort of took as, "I've heard all of this before." I suppose that's where it started. Then we covered women's roles in a sermon at church. That chipped away a bit more. Then I read this article from over at the Femina Girls blog. Ouch. I was getting poked in a sore spot that needs a lot of work.

                                          Woman and a child on a walk through a forest by State Library and Archives of Florida
Woman and a child on a walk through a forest, a photo by State Library and Archives of Florida on Flickr.

That sore spot has turned out to be quite a surprise for me. When women's roles are talked about, I'm right there with you. When loving your family comes up, I'm all over it. When I read or hear of the cruciform life, I couldn't agree more. But, what I've realized is that I've been lined up in the macro line and I've been simply ignoring the micro line. Let me explain. I get the big picture - the macro. Die to yourself. Love your husband and family. Serve them. Sure. Got it. I love God. I go to church. I had quit my job to stay at home, care for the house & my family's needs, and to home school. I bake and make crafts on top of all of that, for crying out loud! I mean, I get it. I was dying to myself. Now, you would think that a girl with a blog by the name of Eating Elephants (you bite at a time) would not have the problem of missing the trees for the forest, but I did. I wasn't striving to die in the moment.

I haven't been seeing my huffiness over the 3rd spilled cup of juice before 10am as sin. I haven't been considering my lack of self-control in staying on the computer "just 15 more minutes" as a problem. Most of all, I haven't been seeing the little people. My tone. My lack of compassion at times. My not treating childishness differently than willful disobedience. The effect has had dire consequences in those little hearts. That hurts.

God is gracious. Not only has He brought me to the place of recognizing this, but He has been patient with my disobedience. What a loving example. And He brings me here knowing that this is what is best. Knowing that in dying, I'll find a more abundant life. Well back to eating those elephants!