Dying in the moment

Have you ever had a period in your life when God was working on driving a particular point home? Of course, we should always be growing, maturing, but I'm talking about one of those times when you have the perfect storm, as it were, that opens your eyes to an issue you didn't really see as an issue. I've just had one of those. One of those moments in the rock tumbler, as Rachael Jankovic would call it. My ladies book study group is reading Elizabeth Elliot's Because He Loves Me. It's pushed me a little, but most of it I sort of took as, "I've heard all of this before." I suppose that's where it started. Then we covered women's roles in a sermon at church. That chipped away a bit more. Then I read this article from over at the Femina Girls blog. Ouch. I was getting poked in a sore spot that needs a lot of work.

                                          
Woman and a child on a walk through a forest, a photo by State Library and Archives of Florida on Flickr.

That sore spot has turned out to be quite a surprise for me. When women's roles are talked about, I'm right there with you. When loving your family comes up, I'm all over it. When I read or hear of the cruciform life, I couldn't agree more. But, what I've realized is that I've been lined up in the macro line and I've been simply ignoring the micro line. Let me explain. I get the big picture - the macro. Die to yourself. Love your husband and family. Serve them. Sure. Got it. I love God. I go to church. I had quit my job to stay at home, care for the house & my family's needs, and to home school. I bake and make crafts on top of all of that, for crying out loud! I mean, I get it. I was dying to myself. Now, you would think that a girl with a blog by the name of Eating Elephants (you know...one bite at a time) would not have the problem of missing the trees for the forest, but I did. I wasn't striving to die in the moment.

I haven't been seeing my huffiness over the 3rd spilled cup of juice before 10am as sin. I haven't been considering my lack of self-control in staying on the computer "just 15 more minutes" as a problem. Most of all, I haven't been seeing the little people. My tone. My lack of compassion at times. My not treating childishness differently than willful disobedience. The effect has had dire consequences in those little hearts. That hurts.

God is gracious. Not only has He brought me to the place of recognizing this, but He has been patient with my disobedience. What a loving example. And He brings me here knowing that this is what is best. Knowing that in dying, I'll find a more abundant life. Well back to eating those elephants!

A Day in the Life

OK, so the blog, is, in fact called "Eating Elephants."  That really is what I do.  It's about the baby steps or small bites, if you will, that I take with each day in this journey.  As you read, it will become  painfully apparent that I am, by no means, a Type A personality.  I am quite laid back, often to a fault.  And while I do not strive to become more uptight or to have an alphabetized pantry or a neatly sorted underwear drawer (that simply would not be me), I do strive to see where my weaknesses can be improved, to see where they do not line up with scripture, or are not helpful to my family.  I also endeavor to cultivate my strengths to better serve.

So, here starts the story...I have noticed that few women are able or willing to be completely open when it comes to lining out "A Day in the Life of Susie."  Why is this?  We feel like we have to either "sand down" some of the more unacceptable practices ("Now, I don't usually stay in my bathrobe past 7a.m., but on this particular day..."), paint a rosier picture of what our days really look like ("I try to bake with the boys everyday before 9a.m., right after Latin drills."), or we transform into Fred Astaire tapping around the issue with great poise ("You know, it's difficult to define our days from one day to the next.").  The real issue is that we don't want to feel judged.  We don't want that other woman to discover that she's doing "better" than we are.  What ever that means.  We as women need to be an encouragement to one another, so that open and complete honesty is our first response, always.

So, here goes.  Here is the life of a home-schooling mother of 4 boys ages 16, 6, and 3-year-old twins, at least this one.  I get up when my boys wake me up, which is usually between 6:40 and 7:15a.m.  We eat breakfast in our jammies and I enjoy a cup of hot Cuban coffee (this part is VERY important) while the boys make their beds, brush their teeth and do a few small chores around the house - they are young boys and move very fast! Here is the list:
6-year-old                                                               3-year-olds
Make bed                                                               Make beds
Get dressed                                                            Get dressed
Brush teeth                                                              Brush teeth
Wipe Bathroom sink                                               Dump Bathroom trash
Sort laundry                                                            Water flowers
Put away folded laundry                                          Put away folded laundry
Empty dishwasher                                                   Pick up toys in bedroom/living room

At this point, I usually load the dishwasher, start a load of laundry, get the 1st grader started on some schoolwork, put the twins in the playroom, and take a shower.  After showering, I dress, make my bed, get everyone a snack, transfer the laundry, lay out dinner and have cup of coffee #2.  We do our math lesson, have lunch, fold and put away the laundry, read a few books, have a play break, put the twins down for a nap, and finish up school.  While (or if at this point) they sleep and once school is finished, I check email, make jewelry, start bread for dinner, make phone calls, read, try to work on weekly chores, clip coupons, pick up the house, and basically give my brain a break from the constant lights, sound, and motion that is 3 boys under 7. The twins wake up around the time my husband gets home from work.  They usually need a little snuggle time when they wake up and then we clear off all the school supplies and start dinner.  I usually let them watch a video during this time, otherwise, I'm a screaming mimi. Though, I have come to learn that small fingers make good garlic peelers!  Honestly, after that, I'm pretty whooped (that is a technical term in the South).  My husband takes care of baths and leads worship.  And that is a good day...

Since I want to be transparent, all of my days are not good days.  There are days when I allow myself to get distracted by phone calls or the computer.  There are days when I don't do what I know needs to be done, because I am being selfish with my time.  This life is a life of choices.  I either choose to put my needs first or I choose to put my God first.  I am sad to say that I sometimes make the wrong choice, however, this life is also about grace.  I recognize and repent.  I start anew.  There is no room for wallowing in self-pity.  There are only more choices.

I'm trying to get to bed by 10:30 every night instead of vegging out with a magazine or on the computer.  That way I will be able to get up by 6:30 every morning and shower before the boys are out of bed.  My day ALWAYS goes better when I get that done.  My aim is to run the dishwasher EVERY night after dinner.  I'm always a bit cheerier when I walk into a kitchen with an empty sink.  I also have aspirations of reading loftier fare than Jurassic Poop and Pigs Make Me Sneeze.  I'll get there, just one small bite at a time.